If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself, because he's so glad to see you, get a dog.

If you want someone who's always ready to go out, any time you ask, get a dog.

If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, get a dog. You can always kick him out of the bed and make him sleep in the laundry room if he snores.

If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him, and never says: "Why can't you make it like Mom did?" get a dog.

If you want someone who can scare away burglars without brandishing a lethal weapon, endangering you, get a dog. If you want someone who will do anything to please you,get a dog. If you want someone to bring in your newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog.

If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, and loves you unconditionally, get a dog.